Ramble 52: My teenage years with a memory

the hand kiss

I have shared this before but I am going to (I think for the first time) share a living, breathing experience. I have never really talked about an incident on this blog before but I wanted to give it a shot. So the thing I shared before was how I was in FWB (Friends with Benefits) relationship two years back for almost an year. I was really frustrated when I wrote this post: not to go forward with an FWB.

Looking back I think (though I still do not recommend it) it was not all that bad. The reason I don’t recommend it is because there are just too many complications, you can’t ask what the other is feeling and etc. But, today I wanted to share a really special incident which occurred during the time I was ‘doing’ him.

So my FWB partner and I shared like this sort of sexual tension. Like you know the one you see in movies where you sit next to the person and you can feel it. So that was the tension we had. And it was amazing and everything. And you know how when you are young and boys want to score they tell you that they love you. And that he did and all, he used to compliment me but like I have always been quite stoic about all of this so I never really cared for flattering lies.

So this once time, and mind you around this time we are pretty comfortable around each other because it has been ages. So we are just sitting in class and there is like a group presentation going on. Almost nobody is sitting and we are like on the last bench. I sat next to him which is rare for me because I liked it when he took initiative (made me feel special, I guess). But that time I did because I couldn’t stop myself. And like quite guilelessly I ask him if I can sit next to him. He nods and he pulls me closer. Then I sit next to him and he starts holding my hand. Like we have held hands before but that time felt more special, more warm, more wonderful. His palms are mixed with sweat and boyish warmth. He ran his fingers across my palm and very surreptitiously, making sure nobody is looking bent down the kiss my hand.

And I know it is not a big deal and like it is just a kiss on the hand and better sexual things did happen. But his face after he kissed my hand, the smile, my smile is something I don’t think I can ever forget. For a second, in that immorality I was pursuing that felt real. Just that kiss, it felt like commitment. It felt like emotions and feelings rather than lust and sex. And that is why I loved that simple kiss and it has become the favorite moment for me. I do not like him any longer but for me that boy with the boyish grin and broken charm would always manage to enrapture my sensibilities.

In conclusion, if you do manage to get such a relationship going treasure these small memories because chances are small kisses would make you smile more than the big goofy ones.

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