Ramble 69: How I got over my social anxiety (Dear me- social anxiety continued)

Dear me

Continuation of posts: Dear me #2- social anxiety, Dear me and Dear younger me

On 13th February, 2014 I got dumped by my ‘significant’ other in a messed up FWB relationship. Around this time I have no friends, no ambitions, no grades and now no fuck buddy. Imagine my distress when I realize everything (or the only thing) I cherished dumped me because he was bored of me. Imagine the plight of a helpless 9th grader when she realizes that the boy she knew nothing about had the ability to break her ego into a million pieces. With one ‘let’s just be friends’ the world as I saw around me changed. I began to realize the advantage of being a nobody. The advantage of being a ‘nobody’ is that in every millisecond (though) you could be crying inside but honestly, nobody around you would give a flying fuck.

With the honor of being somebody’s fuck buddy disappearing like the sand in my palm, I resorted to achieving ‘better’ stuff. This included a shoddy list with making friends conquering the berth following which were studies. The resolution to make more friends was (in my own head) as hopeless as my grim romantic situation, I managed to focus solely on academics. I worked hard (in relative measure) and struggled to climb the academic ladder. This involved actually studying instead of watching television and quit making hundred excuses. At the end of the second term examinations I had achieved a 9 GPA, which as I saw it was a significant improvement from my earlier 8.8.

Though I did not manage to top the class (ever), this made me confident. Hence, my third piece of advice would be to find something you are good at which would give you confidence. It was never that you were not good enough to make friends (because you know that lame ass in class isn’t really) but it was that you were not able to express yourself because of lack of confidence and when you win one battle, others follow. Today, the fact that I am able to talk to people comes from the innate belief that yes, I am good enough and achieving good grades was that reassurance.

My dad always says that getting good grades got me friends but I have disagreed. Until now. Yes, it may not have got me friends, directly, but it did make people understand and respect my opinion, judgements. I now had a social standing in class, from loser new girl to smart still friendless new girl.

When others see that you are good enough, they want to talk to you. It is a slow journey but you get there.

The world is a myriad of opinions, personalities, thoughts and restrictions. One thing to remember is that nobody is the same and judging others is always self-detrimental. Judge but do not act on your judgements. Along my journey of self realization, I stumbled upon the universal truth; acceptance is key in every social situation. You need to learn to make friends with almost everybody or at least talk to everybody but of course, you can choose whom to be close to. But if your crass judgements and cynical take on life is going to limit your already slim options, nobody would suffer but you.

So with reading this post promise to put yourself out there once in a while, find mediums through which you can gain confidence and learn to accept that everybody isn’t the same.

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