I have fudged up my entire high school. In the final moments of what you call revelations, I have realized I would leave school empty-handed. Except for my bag and some F’s. As I snuggled in my bed I ought to have realized that it was useless- living that is. Useless to look for miracles which don’t occur and useless to look for possibilities because nobody wants to hand a 12th grader good-for-nothing more “opportunities”. And as I begin to shut my eyes to dream yet, another palpable dream my stupid brows scrunch up in worry to ask: “Why to rant again and again about the life you wanted to lead? Aren’t you done with it?”
And maybe I am. But, then again maybe I won’t.
Maybe I do want a fantasy and some shenanigans which I can count as home runs in what was an overall pathetic gaming season. What about the endless possibilities which can run past by you in flip seconds when you don’t even realize- while getting your hair cut or pooping on the toilet. Things can turn around for me just this second with such a simple click.
WHY DON’T I UNDERSTAND?!
I don’t because this part of my life is over. The part where I squeezed myself shut from the rest of the world, where I talked about how innocent, or aggressive I am. I have had enough of these long pep talks to myself, enough words have flown through my membranes and it is finally time for some action. And as my dirty mind would persist, yes it does mean some dorm room action, too.
So, new beginnings is to getting more action. Literally.