I did not think that I would type these words on a post which may be on the internet forever. But here it is, a one letter one syllable word: c-u-m.
My journey to self sexual gratification has naturally been one where I felt ashamed, abashed and then proud. I am a proud sexually charged person. Yes, I am a woman. No, I am not a lesbian or disgusting.
Perhaps, it was in 8th grade when I first got to know about this magic word called PORN. As a kid, yes I had been fascinated by breasts and those big jugs pounding. I used to scour the T.V. for more sexual images and in ways which I could not understand I was aroused by all the madness and secrecy around it. In a word: I was going through puberty. You know when you are in third grade and you like touching the remote too much? That was me.
In 8th grade, I had an obsessive James Bond phase where I used to like to keep those guns coming. My dad and I were watching a James Bond flick, a movie I had watched before so I had already calculated the number of scenes after which there would be a white little girl with the prettiest sleeked hair and blue eyes frenching Mr. Hottie. Unfortunately, my dad switched the channel. Then I discovered Youtube, where they had all these enigmatic kissing scenes between Bond and his girls. I spent hours mulling over them, looking for more and more until I got bored. It was the best time of my life. I was innocent and the scenes weren’t.
I was afraid to watch and tell. At this age, yes, I do watch. I am not a regular consumer of all things horny but I do have needs. No, I don’t do erotica.
I have always been a girl with a big mouth. I loved sharing my exploits as much as others hated listening to them. I could never understand why girls were so shy of ‘all things natural’. I could never understand the hush behind the word ‘period’ and the oooh behind the word ‘sex’. I considered it as a part of my life even before I knew it had to be. It just came so naturally.
Today, I owe up to the fact that I do what I do. I cracked this joke seven times last week “I wouldn’t want to go watch Spectre, because they cut four kissing scenes. And kissing scenes were the only reason I used to watch James Bond” which my unsuspecting listeners did not realize to be very very true.
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